If you wanted an uplifting blog about finding joy and meaning then you’ve come to the wrong place. This is not that. It is just me, a grieving mum, sinking further into a pit of hopelessness and despair. Some days are worse than others, like today. I’ve found that the waves of grief are constantlyContinue reading “309 days. I am so deeply unhappy.”
Tag Archives: death of a child
305 days. It still feels like yesterday.
You have been dead for 305 days but it feels like just yesterday. The events of that day and the days leading up to it, play on a loop in my mind, over and over. There are moments when the flashbacks catapult me right back to that awful day, where I am screaming at youContinue reading “305 days. It still feels like yesterday.”
185 Days. Still shit but different.
It’s been a while since I wrote anything. Things haven’t been great. I can’t find the words. I haven’t really cared enough about anything or anyone really. I haven’t ‘become accustomed to’ or ‘adjusted to’ this god awful nightmare that is now my life. I still curse the universe when I realise I am stillContinue reading “185 Days. Still shit but different.”
103 days. I blame myself.
103 days. As if it has been 103 days. 103 days since we spoke. Fuck this is hard. I think I am still overcome with shock. I absolutely blame myself for all of this. Everything. And that’s just how I am dealing with things right now. Guilt and blame, I am told, are normal ‘stages’Continue reading “103 days. I blame myself.”
74 days. I am so torn.
I miss you. Not with a fond smile or a warm feeling inside. With a relentless longing, pining, excruciating ache. Perhaps something that could be likened to having my heart ripped out of my chest and eaten by a wild animal. Obviously that would be more preferable. Anything would be. I miss the feeling IContinue reading “74 days. I am so torn.”
I think I’m going crazy
I find that I often write ‘to’ Liam, rather than about him. And that the focus is largely about me and how I feel. But actually, that’s all there is in me at the minute. Just me and my thoughts. I find I have little space for anything or anyone else. The thoughts are justContinue reading “I think I’m going crazy”
How did it come to this?
I always fancied myself a bit of a writer. But not like this. Maybe a writer of children’s stories like the ones I would sit and make up with the kids. Never ever did I imagine it would be like this. On March 21st 2021, my world crumbled. Everything I knew, or thought I knew,Continue reading “How did it come to this?”
Not This Ending. 