@notthisending

34 Days. I would have sat with you every single night. Forever.

If I could have just one more day with you, I would take you out in the fresh air for the longest walk. I would hold your hand, feel your fingers in mine and link arms. I would rest my head next to your shoulder, it’s the perfect height for that. I would breathe youContinue reading “34 Days. I would have sat with you every single night. Forever.”

28 days.

28 days since I found you. 28 days without you. 28 nights where I have hoped I wouldn’t wake up and nearly 28 mornings when I have. 28 days where I have had to carry on being a mum to your brother and sister without you. Doing all the shit I don’t care about andContinue reading “28 days.”

27 days.

If I had the chance, I would tell you that the day you die, so will I. I would hear you, really hear you, not listen and offer solutions. I would encourage you to see what an amazing person you are and what an exciting future lay ahead. I would tell you that what youContinue reading “27 days.”

22 days.

I have read that people don’t like to hear your distressing thoughts and feelings at times like this. They grow tired of hearing them and they make them feel uncomfortable. But those people aren’t your people. And I do not intend to be quiet. In those moments where my only thought isn’t that I wantContinue reading “22 days.”

What now?

It’s mesmerising the way you look so much like me, but so much better looking with your amazing blue eyes and gorgeous smile with those perfect teeth, exactly the same shaped teeth as mine. It doesn’t feel real. What now? Who will I talk to late into the night about the things only we talkedContinue reading “What now?”

21 days.

“When you are in that desperate, frantic, lightless moment of despair—reason fails. There is no processing of things that seem so clear to people sitting calmly in parks and at desks and living rooms offering detached, knee-jerk commentary; those in their right minds, unclouded, lucid, and sober. That is what mental illness does, that isContinue reading “21 days.”

How did it come to this?

I always fancied myself a bit of a writer. But not like this. Maybe a writer of children’s stories like the ones I would sit and make up with the kids. Never ever did I imagine it would be like this. On March 21st 2021, my world crumbled. Everything I knew, or thought I knew,Continue reading “How did it come to this?”